What's Your Ratio?

Originally posted on September 10, 2011

"Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."  
                                                     Proverbs 25:11b

When our kids were growing up, we had a rule about calling each other names, cutting each other down or making fun of each other  The offenders had to sit down and say two nice things about the sibling(s) they had offended for every one rude thing.  Recently, I found out that this 2 to 1 ratio was probably not nearly enough - though they did seem to learn from it.  A few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon by Jeff Henderson in a series called Life Apps through North Point Baptist Church in Atlanta entitled Life App #5: Encouragement.  He opened his sermon by referring to a recent study by the Gottman Institute that made such a huge impact on me I hope I never forget it.  It is my prayer that I make a concerted effort to be the exception to this "rule".  They said that in the daily conversations of the average person they receive 6 comments of criticisms for every 1 word of encouragement.  Let that soak in for a second.  What a sad commentary on our society!  If this is true, the toxic conversations that course through our relationships aren't reflecting the love of Jesus that we as Women of God are called to portray. In fact, the total opposite is too often the case!  On the flip side, the potential for showering the love of God onto every person we come in contact with is powerful!

I believe our first human response when we hear about this study is to think about the conversations that we receive - that affect us - but in Proverbs 11:25b  Solomon reminds us of a very exciting precept God has built into all of us.  We generally receive as much or more of a blessing when we do for others as they do.  Isn't God great?  But this means we will have to go against our human nature.  When the poisonous chatter around us gets us down, I think we are being challenged to ask God to open our eyes to the people He is putting in our path THAT day so we can change their criticism:encouragement ratio.  This encouragement doesn't have to be a great oratorical  but sincere words spoken from our heart.  From our husbands to our children, from our coworkers to the cashier at the store, from the waitress at lunch to the teacher after school - the ministry of encouragement is limitless!  God knows who they are and exactly what they need to hear, and He will let us in on the secret if we only ask!!

I can't help but wonder what a difference it would make to our homes, our country, our entire society if we as Representatives of God's love and mercy took His challenge to completely reverse this ratio so that the people around us hear one criticism for every 6 or more words of encouragement!  Let's face it, ladies, we all have the gift of gab!  Let's turn it over to God and watch the magnificent ways He uses our words to touch the lives of the people around us!!!!

Oh, and by the way, have I told you how nice you look today?

copyright by Robin Kelley, all rights reserved, used here with express written consent