Filling the Gaps

I was 27 when I discovered that I had a debilitating fear. On the day it surfaced, my husband and I and some neighbors visited Vulcan Park. Not being a native of Birmingham, I knew nothing about Vulcan, and since the statue had just been returned to the park after being down for renovations, we wanted to go see what had been done. After milling around the museum, we went outside to the statue and rode the elevator up to the viewing platform around Vulcan. When the doors opened, I stepped out toward the platform. As I walked the few steps from the elevator to the platform, I was overcome with panic and terror. This was unexpected, because as a teenager, I enjoyed the thrill of roller coasters and free-fall rides at amusement parks. However, at the age of 27, something had changed. I was terrified, and the perforations in the platform kept me from moving forward. 

Logically, I knew that the platform was safe, but my fear completely overrode logic. In my mind, the metal was weakened by the perforations and I truly feared that the metal would sag or break under my step. So, I stayed inside the elevator encasing (or more accurately, gripping the interior wall) and waited while my husband and neighbors walked around admiring the city view.

I think back to that day; it reminds me of my own trust in God. There was a point in my life when I realized that I wasn’t experiencing what God intended for those who trust Christ for salvation . . . sustainable faith that gives hope when things appear hopeless, gives peace when chaos surrounds, gives joy when life is crumbling, and allows me to forgive when the world says harbor the hurt.

In his faithfulness to give wisdom when asked, God revealed to me that there were gaps in my faith; it was weak because I did not really know Him. Although I was familiar with many attributes of His character, I had not been able to recognize his faithfulness to me. I never had an answer to the classic Bible study question “tell me about a time in which God was/did ________ in your life.” I was convicted, because I had no testimony. In a desire to seek Him and know Him and trust Him, I searched His Word and came upon Psalm 145.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.

The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.

The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

                                                                             Psalm 145:8,9,13b-20 (NIV)

As I sought Him through His Word, God stirred a desire in my heart to know Him - not an impersonal knowledge that one gains from just hearing the Word at church or from watching my fellow believers, but a personal knowledge of who He is.  I wanted, and continue to want, stories of who He is to me.  

• I want to personally know His graciousness and compassion.
• I want to be able to tell my children how He is faithful to his promises and loving toward all He has made.
• I want God alone to be the one who upholds me when I fall.
• I want to offer personal praise for the times when He provided for me at the proper time and satisfied the desires of my heart.
• I want to confidently say that He is near to my family when we call on Him and that He hears our cry and saves us.
• I need the peace that comes from trusting that He watches over me.

When I surrendered control of my life to God, I began a blessed, yet difficult, journey towards sanctification.  This journey is going to take my entire life, and I’m expecting that it will be painful at times.  Daily, I wish my sin were less and my faith were stronger, and each day that I seek Him through His Word and recognize His activity and faithfulness in my life, my faith in God’s promises to His children is reinforced and my sin becomes less tolerable to me.  It is God’s unwavering character that strengthens me to overcome my fear of trusting His sovereignty and goodness.  

There are still things that I struggle to trust God with, but instead of these perforations or gaps weakening my faith, they give me hope . . . I know that God wants to fill them with OUR own story – the story of how He has been faithful and trustworthy to me.

by Carrie Graham

Carrie is a wife and mother who believes in the transformative power of the resurrection of Christ.  She know that God desires to have a personal relationship with her and fulfill His promises in my life.   Through daily struggles and victories, and even miniscule things, she looks for God’s unfailing grace, unending mercy and never-ceasing presence.  Her desire is to bring glory to God’s name by journeying with Him and allowing Him to mold her into a beautiful work, thus creating our own story that tells of His faithfulness to her.